Thursday, 7 April 2011

The Future Holds...Felicity

Hey Folks

Sorry, I know I'm late posting this, I got distracted by a book. In fact I only finished writing this an hour ago and gave it a quick edit over the last 15 minutes. It's been an intense evening and I have cramp in my arm but it's done!

Right so the point of posting this here is to hopefully get some feedback on it. I know my friend and mentor Renee will be brutal with it. That is want I want and what I need. I can't improve my writing skills unless people are honest, so constructive criticism please. 
Also, random query, do we think anything mentioned in this warrants restricting the age access to my blog? Because I honestly don't know. This is as explicit as I will get on this blog, everything else is being saved for the novel!

Just to point out I've spent about 10 minutes now trying to make the text I've imported the same as everything else, but the last bit just will not change from a central alignment. I apologise.

And now for the fun bit! These things always made me laugh on fanfics and I've always wanted to write one myself and this is my first opportunity!

DISCLAIMER: This short story is a work of fiction, any resemblance to companies, or persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
This short story also features a loving relationship between two women, as well as some inexplicit sexual references. If such things are not to your taste I recommend you leave this page. In fact you might not want to come back to it, as this sort of thing creeps up regularly in my work :-)


It's been one of the most harrowing nights of my life, but the thrumming of the bike beneath me soothes away all the nerves and tension as the wind whips my hair around my face.

I pull up around the back of the enormous tent and it only takes me a split second to spot her. My siren. She's glowing tonight, the floodlights make her mousey hair shine golden, and her green eyes sparkle as the grin plastered on her face threatens to split it. She throws a comment to her friends over her shoulder as she bounds towards me, but I'm so mesmerised by her I barely hear it.

It's appalling this effect she has on me. It's nearly gotten me in trouble so many times at work. When she's on the stage she's the only thing I see, which considering there's two other vocalists and the entire band onstage for me to worry about, tends to cause problems.
When we first started working on this show, I was as determinedly focused as I could possibly be. I was finally doing the job I'd always dreamed of and I was not going to let the fact that my girlfriend was the lead vocalist threaten that. It got to the point where I was practically ignoring her for a couple of weeks, and believe me I got plenty of flak for it. But now I've been mixing this show for almost a year, I know it inside out, and it's far too easy for me to fade into autopilot so I can just watch her. My Felicity.

She leaps onto the bike behind me and her arms are around me within an instant, a questing hand clutching possessively at the buckle of my belt as she presses into my back.
"Get me out of here" she whispers in my ear, before flicking it teasingly with her tongue.
I don't know if it's her voice or her tongue that sends the shiver down my spine, but I'm not one to hesitate at such a command. I snap the bike into gear and speed off into the night. She throws her arms up and yells to the stars as we dodge the traffic.
I remember when we used to do this in London.

We met while working in the same cocktail bar. She was the struggling actor slash dancer slash singer and I was the out of work sound engineer that had a flare for throwing bottles and fruit around. I tried so hard to teach her my most basics tricks, but we smashed so much glass I had to give up. She used to howl with laughter watching guys trying to chat me up over the bar. Her favourite thing to do most times was to drape herself over my shoulder, hitch her knee up onto my hip and huskily tell them "Sorry pal, but she's mine."
It certainly helped us to rake in the tips.
Our boss had no problem whatsoever letting us work together, the takings were up every night we were both on shift.
So you can imagine how happy he was when one Thursday night we turned up and she told him she'd been offered a part in a West End musical, and I told him I'd got a sound assistant gig on another one.
It was an awesome eight months. We weren't working on the same show, but as soon as I was done for the night, I'd leap on the bike, speed down the Strand and pick her up from stage door. Most nights we would head straight back to her place, or mine, but some nights we'd just ride. One night I think we actually ended up in Leicester, just following the M1 and enjoying the freedom.
It was hell when she left London to rehearse this show. We agreed early on that neither of us would give up a career opportunity for the sake of our relationship. We'd both wanted to work for this company our entire lives, so when the ads came out for performers and crew we both jumped on the chance. She'd already been in rehearsals for four months by the time I was even interviewed. They could have easily sent me off on one of their other shows, touring Asia or America. So when they offered me the job on this show, I think we both knew it was a sign that we were meant to be together. I rode the bike across Europe to get to her, and then we spent two days together exploring.

So now, every time we get to a new city on the tour, we spend the first night exploring. Just ride for hours, going all over the city and into the surrounding area's. And we always get lost. We never take a map with us, as far as we're concerned that spoils the fun. We enjoy finding places by chance, and there's always some special place we find, usually by a river or in some woodland. Once it was cornfield. It's a place where we can just be together. Privacy is something of a luxury on tour, that's why we always take off. It's become our little tradition, that after the last show in a city, we go back to our special place one last time before the big after party.

At the end of every show, like every show ever performed on this planet, the entire cast gather onstage to take their bows. Now with our company, at the end of the last show in each city, everybody ends up onstage for the bows; cast, crew, dressers, all of us. Tonight there was a twist to it.
The cast were taking their first bows, the band were still playing, and I was shaking like a leaf. My palms were sweating, my breathing shallow and rapid and I felt like I was going to faint. I was dreading that last phrase of music, because then I was expected to leave the safety of my desk, run down the auditorium steps and onto the stage. The last note rang out, and I saw Felicity beckoning to me. I could also see various other cast members beckoning me far more frantically. I was frozen to the spot. Eventually Clarissa, one of the Canadian girls jumped down off the stage and ran up the steps.
"You're not bottling it are you?" she asked.
All I could do was shake my head as she dragged me down the stairs. By the time I got to the stage all the other crew were there, waving to the crowd and bowing. I grabbed Felicity's hand and pulled her behind everyone else. When I eventually managed to look at her her brow was furrowed as her eyes searched my face.
"What's wrong babe?" she asked grasping my still shaking hand.
I pressed my other hand on hers, taking a deep breath.
"Felicity," I started haltingly. "I...I need to ask you something..."
The next thing I know, Clarissa's behind me with her foot in the back of my knee, forcing me down.
"If you're going to do this, you're going to damn well do it properly!" she hissed.
That's when I realised that all eyes were on us. So I charged ahead.
"Felicity Louise Duncan, will you marry me?"
The entire room held it's breath, as Felicity's eyebrows flew up her forehead and her jaw dropped. I groped in my pocket for the ring I'd bought the week before, holding out the gold diamond encrusted band to her as she clamped her hands over her mouth.
Very slowly, she started to nod her head, the motion becoming more frantic as I stood.
"Yes! Yes of course I will!" she cried as she threw herself into my arms. I couldn't help myself as I spun her around before planting her back on the floor and kissing her like I'd never kissed her before. The room exploded into noise around us, catcalls and applause from the auditorium and shouts and cries of congratulations from from our fellows on stage. I was shocked to see tears streaming down Clarissa's face as I placed the ring on Felicity's finger.

She's had a grin on her face ever since, and as we follow the river out of town into the country I know it's still there without even seeing her, simply because there's a matching one on my own face.

I pull up at our special spot. Nimbly she climbs around me until she's straddling my legs, and I can't help but stare into her eyes. But her fingers are getting twitchy. Her hands are under my jacket as she slowly presses her lips to mine. She tastes sweet. Distracted, I barely notice her removing my jacket, before she climbs off me and slowly walks away. I rock the bike back onto it's stand before leaping off it and running after her. She lets out a little shriek as I grab her from behind and swing her into the air. As I put her back down she giggles and leads me to the edge of the bank, glancing at me over her shoulder and biting her bottom lip. She pulls me down with her as she lays on the grass. Our lips caress each other, slowly and gently as we make love. She shivers beneath me, before her body arches and she buries her face in my shoulder, whimpering. I roll over, pulling her with me as her heart rate calms and her breathing levels out. Pushing herself up, she kisses me once more before settling down against my side, her breath tickling my throat as she nuzzles my cheek.
“I can't wait to be you're wife,” she whispers.


  1. I like the way you're playing with tenses, having some 'remembering' stuff and some 'now' stuff, but I think some of it is in the wrong way round. The climactic moment of the story, for me, is the proposal, and I would rather have this bit in the present tense.

    It's a nice story, but again I think you've been too nice to your characters... there's no real conflict. Even a short story needs to have two things: a protagonist who wants something, and something that stands in the way of them getting it. Your protagonist wants Felicity, and she gets her easily, so it's not as interesting as it could be. It's well written, but doesn't completely pull me in as there are no stakes.

    Be careful of overusing adverbs and adjectives (I'm always guilty of this, so I notice it in other people!) - if you've chosen the right verb or noun, in most cases you don't need to embellish it.

    This is an awesome challenge you've set yourself Jo, and good on you for putting your work out there. I hope I don't come across as 'brutal'! I wouldn't take the time to make comments if I didn't think it was worth it :)

  2. Very much appreciated Renee, as ever, I hope you know that. By brutal, I mean that I know you'd tell if it was complete and total rubbish.

    I see what you mean about the climactic moment, I'll have a think about it and try again next week. You should have seen the state I got myself in writing the proposal!

    Can I see some of your work soon??? x


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